Painful Choice
by WhiteNightFox
Summary: Eren x Levi story...don't read if you don't like this pairing. Levi is strong and never show any emotion even in mourning, his way of dealing with it requires a blade and a brush.


Painful Choices

"h-heichou" eren said wide eye looking at the corporals arm, cuts and scars were littered across the corporals arm "let go brat" Levi growled, he couldn't bring himself to look at the brat. He yanked his arm out of erens grip and covering it quickly.

_Earlier that day..._  
_Eren's P.O.V._  
"isn't the corporal acting weird Armin?" I asked my blonde haired friend "what do you mean eren?" he said tilting his head slightly "He is acting like it never happened, like petra and the others didn't die" I said a tone of sadness prominent "well, I guess he is dealing with it his own way eren, he just doesn't want to show it probably..." he shrugged and went back to eating.  
I didn't like how nobody really cared for the corporal and how he was dealing with the death of all of his comrades, even mikasa, he had saved her life getting injured in the progress all she said was "he was in my way" it annoyed me. I heard petra's father talk to levi as we entered the town and even i felt broken, so how was heichou feeling...

_Levi's P.O.V._  
It's just like before...I wasn't there I couldn't protect them like I couldn't Isabel and Farlen. It was the same pain I felt for them. It burned to my very core, it painted horror in my dreams, seeing there faces over and over again...dead. I sat in the bathroom alone, happily no one was about, probably all to scared to come in, I was glad. That meant I could get rid of my stress. I had brought my knife with me, my old one i had underground, the one I used to protect Isabel with and fight erwin with.

I held it to my wrist and inhaled, I slowly dragged it across my arm exhaling while doing so. The relief was satisfying, though I new it was for a shorty time before the sting sat in, it was still good. I ran the blade along my pale skin a few more times before putting it in the water "dahh" i grumbled as i felt the sting of the water against the cuts. I sat their for a while looking at the blank ceiling feeling nothing...if only it lasted. I began cleaning my self with a brush, along my arms and legs and back before finishing. I then brought it to my cut arm and began to scrub it until it was raw. I had to get rid of the filth...

When i was done I changed into my normal attire, being careful of my now stinging arm, and headed to the mess hall. Grabbing my tray I sat at my table where hanji and erwin already occupied. "Hey there shorty!" hanji yelled at me "your too loud shitty glasses" I growl at her, she leaned closer to my ear "you done with your 'stress' treatment for today" she whispered to me "shut up...I said don't talk about it" I growl before adding a small yes to the end of it. She put her hand on my shoulder "you know we are always here if you need to talk about it" she said concerned, she has told me this before countless times...though it hasn't changed anything "yeah yeah..." I grumble lowly so she wouldn't hear. "you know levi there is a therapist you could go see as well" erwin stated and this I knew as well, this had also been told to me hundreds of times by both Erwin and hanji, they never just left it alone... "just shut up and let me eat" i say irritated couldn't they leave me be.

_Eren's P.O.V._  
I couldn't help but look at heichou as he walked into the mess hall, he was still limping from the expedition...but I noticed he was holding his arm. At first I thought he was scratching it like normal people do, but he was hold it and there was a flash of pain across his face, did he injure there too? I watched him give out to hanji which wasn't new, I was so curious about how he was handling all the deaths, he has seen more than I have, he has been here longer.

I snapped out of my daze to only find him staring back at me, instantly my face grew hot and i looked away hoping he wouldn't really care. "Jaeger! Come here!" he yelled at me. GREAT now I'm probably going to have to scrub the floor or something for staring at him "yes sir?" i ask him "Can i ask why the fuck were you staring at me , you have been doing that since I entered the room" he said irritably. Damn he noticed my stare "I was just concerned sir, you are still limping from the expedition and I was concerned" I state half lying just to get this conversation over with "You were concerned? Concerned!...worry about your fucking self before worrying about others...now go and let me eat in fucking peace" he growled going back to his food.

I could feel constant stares as I made my way back to my seat, beside me Mikasa was ranting "that short bastard better fucking stop picking on you before I make him pay" she growled. This angered me, none of them took into consideration how the corporal might feel...but I couldn't say anything because I didn't know what the corporal was feeling...

_Later that night..._  
I woke up in the bathroom...why again? Oh yeah I came in here to hide from Mikasa and her god damn rants about corporal...I was just about to exit the toilet when I hear footsteps getting closer I stand on the toilet and be a quiet as possible, it being after curfew of course.

_Levi's P.O.V._  
I woke up in a sweat, the same fucking nightmare plagued my dreams again... the one of all their faces looking at me dead...isabels head on the floor , petra against a tree, farlen's leg missing, gunther dangling from a tree oluo and eld on the ground...all of them dead..there eyes were looking at me. It made me sick.

I got up and went to the toilet, I walked over to the sinks and splashed water on my face before looking in the mirror. Before I knew it I punched it, I punched the mirror and made a crack right up through the centre of it. My fist was bleeding, probably cut on the glass. I sighed and pulled up my sleeve, of course it was the same one with cuts on it, and I just looked at it until I heard a gasp.

The brat was looking at me with wide eyes, shock and horror flashed across his eyes, I tried to walk away but he grabbed my arm "h-heichou" he said looking at my arm, at the scars and cuts, there was pity in his eyes it angered me "let go brat!" I growled yanking my hand back and covered it, I couldn't bring myself to look at the boy, it was too painful. "I new you were suffering" eren said pulling me into a hug. He angered me , he knew how?!, I should be pulling back and yelling at him shouting , something but I couldn't bring myself to do it, not to him. I wrapped my arms around the tall boy and let him comfort me, I felt my tears fall.

_Eren's P.O.V._  
I felt the corporals tears on my back and hugged him tighter, my chest tightened I didn't want to see him cry or hurting himself "I l-love you heichou" the words slipped from my mouth before I realised it, I waited for him to pull back to yell at me but it didn't come I just heard a faint whisper in my ear "I love you too brat and thank you".


End file.
